Saturday, September 11, 2010

Rush Limbaugh

"Rusty" Limbaugh, Class of '69
Rushton Hudson Limbaugh III graduated from Cape Girardeau (Missouri) Central High School in 1969. Limbaugh, the beefy son of a prominent attorney, played football and apparently had no interaction with classmate--and future would-be Koran burner--Terry Jones, who evidently preferred baseball.

Terry Jones, '69
After dropping out of Southeast Missouri State during his freshman year, Limbaugh went on to unremarkable careers as a pop music DJ (as "Rusty Sharpe" and "Jeff Christy") and as the promotional director for the Kansas City Royals. Ironically, the famously hawkish conservative successfully avoided the Vietnam War draft with the help of a medical condition known as a pilodidal cyst. For more on the host's awkward attempts to avoid talking about his ass malady and how it kept him from personally combating Communism in Asia, see

"Jeff Christy" does a charity promotion in the '70s.
The bloated broadcaster first became famous in the late 1980s as the host of a national conservative talk show based out of New York City. The program, now heard on over 600 radio stations throughout the United States, is little changed from its mid-1980s incarnation on KFBK in Sacramento, California. The average three-hour installment contains long-winded, often inaccurate, frequently racist political rants punctuated with comments from callers (aka "Dittoheads") who agree with everything "El Rushbo" says. Limbaugh also delights his audience with sophomoric, bullying "humor" and musical parodies such as the infamous "Barack the Magic Negro" clip produced by the singularly unfunny Paul Shanklin.

As of this post, the multimillionaire host has been married four times. The lucky ladies are:

Roxy Maxine McNeely, 1977-1980
Michelle Sixta, 1983-1990
Marta Fitzgerald, 1994-2004*
Kathryn Rogers, 2010-

In 2006, the pro-law enforcement, anti-drug conservative superstar surrendered to authorities in Palm Beach County, Florida on the charge of "doctor shopping" for prescription medication.** The National Enquirer had broken the story of Limbaugh's Oxycontin habit three years earlier in an embarrassing cover story. In the expose, the tabloid described in detail how the radio host would meet his dealer at night behind restaurants for the pills that he fondly referred to as "little baby blues."

Limbaugh 2006 mugshot

For more on Limbaugh's countless misdeeds, including his insinuation that a thirteen-year-old Chelsea Clinton resembled a dog, visit these sites:

* Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas officiated Limbaugh's wedding to Ms. Fitzgerald, an aerobics instructor whom the radio host met on CompuServe.   

** Charge subsequently dropped as part of a court settlement.

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