George HW Bush

After heroic service in World War II, George HW Bush (aka Poppy) earned an economics degree from Yale University in 1948. During his college years Bush also became a member of the secretive Skull and Bones society (seen above to the left of the spooky clock) and captained the school's baseball team. After becoming a successful oil company entrepreneur, Bush turned his attention to politics and proceeded to rack up an impressive resume in government including stints as a congressman, Ambassador to the United Nations, Chairman of the Republican National Committee (where he met two young go-getters named Karl Rove and Lee Atwater), Envoy to China and Director of the CIA.

In 1980 Bush ran for the presidency but wound up becoming Ronald Reagan's running mate and vice president for two terms. In 1988 Bush, aided and abetted by his devious young political strategist, Lee Atwater, buried the hapless Michael Dukakis and finally became president (Bush's campaign was so sleazy and Dukakis's so inept that the disastrous selection of Dan Quayle as the GOP vice presidential nominee didn't even matter). But by the time the 1992 re-election season rolled around, the Desert Storm-winning commander-in-chief lacked the inspiration to go negative (Atwater had died the previous year) and he was defeated by a randy, draft dodging governor from Arkansas. Bush did, however, call Al Gore "Ozone Man" in the frantic last days of the campaign.

Much to Poppy's surprise his wastrel eldest son George W. ("Junior") beat his more serious boy, Jeb (the less said about Marvin and Neal Bush the better), to the White House in 2000 and immediately began ruining the family name. To add insult to injury, the younger Bush did not even consult his dad on the decision to invade Iraq ("There is a higher Father I appeal to..." he famously told journalist Bob Woodward for the 2004 book Plan of Attack).

While George HW Bush patiently waits for Jeb to continue the family dynasty in high office, he likes to spend his time jumping out of airplanes and hanging out with his unlikely friend, fellow ex-president Bill Clinton.

Karl Rove

In 1960 nine-year-old Karl Rove affixed a Nixon campaign bumper sticker on the basket of his bike and was promptly beaten up by a little girl in his neighborhood who adored John F. Kennedy. Why Rove would share this humiliating story in his autobiography is unknown, but nine years later he graduated from Olympus High School in Salt Lake City, Utah conservative as ever. The self-described "nerd" who carried a briefcase excelled in debate and student government and won the position of School Chairman of Students for Senator Wallace F. Bennett. Rove locked up this youthful achievement by riding in a VW convertible through the school gym sandwiched between two "babes." The assembled students, Rove recalls in his book, loved the stunt and he was elected.

In 1969 the budding political operative was enrolled at the University of Utah and had joined the College Republicans. In 1970 he interviewed for and won the opportunity to work as a student organizer for the special election campaign of Illinois Senator Ralph Smith. It was during his mission in Illinois that Rove pulled off his first notorious dirty trick. As he recounts the story in his autobiography, an attractive young volunteer in Smith's Chicago office brought in an invitation that her Democratic parents had received for an event celebrating the opening of state treasurer candidate Alan J. Dixon's campaign headquarters. In an attempt to impress the young woman, Rove and a few of his cronies created a mock variation of the invitation with the amended copy reading "Free Beer, Free Food, Girls, and A Good Time for Nothing." With copies of the faux flyer listing the real date, time and address of the function, Rove and his team handed them out to "vagrants, homeless, and drifters and at a free rock concernt in Grant Park." The hungry have-nots showed up at Dixon's gala and the media reported on the prank, but Dixon turned the publicity to his advantage and won his race (Smith, the Senate candidate for whom Rove was working, lost his contest to Adlai Stevenson III).

Rove's involvement in the Dixon episode remained secret until 1973 when he was running for chairman of the College Republican National Committee with Lee Atwater as his campaign manager. The Washington Post reported on the incident based on tape recordings that had been leaked to them from an internal meeting (Rove is heard on the recording discussing his prank and another student is heard discussing other malfeasance). The results of the election were contested and none other George HW Bush--then the Chairman of the Republican National Committee--led a committee to review the matter. But, according to Bad Boy: The Life and Politics of Lee Atwater, the review panel did not even consider the tape and transcript--the strongest pieces of evidence against Rove. Their rationale for setting aside the incriminating material was that the tapes could have been tampered with. A few weeks later Bush sent the victorious Rove a letter informing him that he was the duly recognized chairman. Atwater and Rove met with Bush for the very first time in Washington, D.C. shortly thereafter (upon winning, Rove had appointed Atwater to his former position--Executive Director of the College Republican National Committee) and became fast friends with both young men.

Rove would go on to help George W. Bush win the Texas governorship and the presidency twice. For his efforts he was rewarded with the nicknames Turd Blossom, Boy Genius and the Architect. He also had the honor of being allowed to "rap" at the 2007 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. For video of a younger, even less rhythmic Rove see this CBS News report from 1972. The future Turd Blossom appears at approximately the four-minute mark.

 

George W. Bush

George W. "Tweeds" Bush graduated Phillips Academy in 1964 where he was "the High Commissioner of Stickball" and "Head Cheerleader." These activities naturally prepared him for Yale, the U.S. presidency and a couple of wars.

Of course, the Harvard MBA pit-stop in the Seventies helped prepare W for the economic challenges he faced as president...

Harvard Business School, 1975, tie optional